No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
