i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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