found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
