at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
