is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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