Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
