first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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