I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
