this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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