i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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