dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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