he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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