Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
