she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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