I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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