I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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