there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
