if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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