fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
