I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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