I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
