it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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