My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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