We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize