Plan B is the new Plan A
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
