It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
