i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
