i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
