I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize