Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
