Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
