That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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