At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize