The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
