The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
