just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
