that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
