Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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