I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
