So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
