yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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