I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize