Don't you send me to vm
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
