The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
