the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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