The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
