And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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