its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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