You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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