Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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