I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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