i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
