are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
