After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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