brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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