when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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