I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
