booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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