I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
