you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
