Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
