He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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